The Androgums Take on Colin Baker

Or...Androgums on the Loose

One of our proudest moments was at Anglicon 6, with the very appropriate guest Colin Baker, the Sixth Doctor. The Androgums joined in the Masquerade, six of us, dressed in white aprons and bright orange eyebrows. With our multi-colored berets slung jauntily upon our heads, we proceeded to poke and prod every person in the ballroom, and a few who weren't there. We wandered among the guests cracking jokes about Sulu Shish-ka-bob and Shatner Soup. We met a low budget Dalek (now a member of our group) and had a mock war, discussing the fact the Daleks are crunchy on the outside and chewy in the center (either that or they are canned goods). We met considerable resistance from a couple of Klingons huddled in the corner (the Head Chef began to discuss gagh with him after determining that he wasn't particularly edible). We chased around a person dressed as the second Doctor.

When we heard that Colin was outside the ballroom, we went as a group and attacked him. He thought we were very amusing and wasted no time getting away from us.

Then we met our pride and joy: an innocent looking guy wearing a SPAM tee-shirt. We surrounded him slowly, trying not to let him know that he was being chased by six wild Androgums. He began to catch on, however, and made a foolish attempt at escape. We caught up to him on the dance floor, and while we had him completely surrounded we politely asked if we could pick him up and remove him from the ballroom yelling, "TAKE OUT!" He was laughing so hard he almost couldn't breathe, but he nodded and we proceeded to do just that. Outside the ballroom, in the hotel lobby, we set him on a big table and stood around it singing "Spam, spam, spam, spam" and banging our kitchen utensils on the table while dozens of people took photographs. Thus the Androgums made a triumphant debut.

But the story doesn't quite end there. We had a great time while the masquerade lasted, then managed to rest and relax as the night wore on. The judges, who had been circulating during the masque, now conferred in a corner. One of our club members was one of them, and she told us afterward what had happened. The judges were unanimous in the feeling that the Androgums should get some prize, but they couldn't really decide what to give us. The Androgum judge refused to vote because of conflict of interest. Finally, Colin Baker, the guest judge, came up and said, "The Androgums get my vote for Guest Choice", thereby saving the judges the problem of determining which prize to give us.

At the awards ceremony (same dance, same night, just without the music), the prizes were announced and we had an interesting time watching them being given out. I can't honestly say I believed we were going to win something, but I felt like we'd done well enough to deserve at least some kudos for our effort. Imagine then, six Androgums jumping to our feet as Colin's Guest Choice was announced and we got our prize. We got to hug Colin, then he spoke into the microphone: "Anyone who thinks of me as a dish deserves a prize!" Then he lay down on the floor spreadeagled, and we got to attack him (although the attack started as a full-fledged roar and pounce, we stopped and began to prod him with our utensils again rather than let ourselves accidently hurt him).

The word at the con was that, yes, the Androgums were incredibly annoying, but they were also more in character than anyone had a right to be. At Anglicon 8 (held May 5-7, 1995) I mentioned to the ConChair that the Androgums might make a return appearance, and even though two years had passed she remembered vividly and groaned...

But that's getting a little ahead of the game...

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